A Letter to God

I'm struggling.
This whole blog is for you.
I feel like I don't have it in me
that I don't have what it takes to succeed.
I want to get far, but I don't have the strength it takes.
I need your help, though it's hard to admit.
I've struggled and sank to my deepest depths without you.
Come through for me.
I feel so distant from you
distant from my goals
I feel like you're pulling away
I want you to come back into my life again.
I promise many things
make threats and tempt you
disobey you and turn on you
but I yearn to be valuable to you.
I want to use my abilities to help your cause
I want to prove you to other people.
I pray, honestly and desperately,
that you give me the opportunity to prove my love for you.
Opportunities to prove my loyalty
I want to make you proud of me.
I'm not perfect, but you are.
And with you on my side I can never lose
this is my silent appeal for your help
a grain of sand tossed into the sea
I pray you hear what I'm saying and believe me
I pray that your hand touches my life and turns me into a better person.
I want to change. I want to give up living a life of denial and just move on through you.
You sent your only son to save me from my sin.
I want to devote my life to you and him
wash my hands of my selfishness and materialism
I've been through hell and back
tasted death and seen miracles
I've tried to be a hero
but I've failed.
Through you I can succeed.
Through you I can gain the ability to overcome my life's obstacles
I want you to heal my life
I want you to take away this pain I feel and replace it with your love.
I feel so needy right now but I'm being as honest as I can.
You tell me to write to you and this is what I'm doing
as embarrassing as it might be I need your help.
I'm close to getting in trouble
I need you to cleanse me of my sin
help me start anew.
I know that only you can give me a second chance
I've decided that I am going to defend your name
I am going to do great things in your name
help those who need help
I don't want these to be empty promises
I want to do what I say
You've opened a door for me and I want to step through
I feel like the shackles that have been holding me down can be broken
All I need is faith in you to turn my life around.
I am just a lamb
a pawn in a chess game
take my soul and make it supernatural
take my life and make it spiritually fruitful
look at all you've given me
I don't appreciate it like I should,
but I will from now on.
Today I do.
And I promise
I swear on my own life
that I won't ever give up on you
just like you've never given up on me.
I'm speaking this from the bottom of my heart.
I'm being as open as I possibly can.
Help me.