They say

Hell plays music of sorrow to make people kill themselves
that there are organs that play night and day
telling you that you aren't worth it
that nobody loves you
that you're better off dead

that's what I've heard.

One man said he saw them
churning out their sad pitiful song
luring people in by the thousands
and I think
the devil is that fine detail in the fabric
that little snag
that ruins everything good about it.
I wonder if everytime it thunders God is acknowledging my presence
I'm self absorbed in that way.
I think I'm kind of needy sometimes
that I cling to objects and things because I feel that they're all I have
I pray sometimes
probably not enough
but when I do I'd like to think I mean it.
A woman on tv was talking about hell and how she visited it with Jesus
and I wonder
if that truly happened to her
if she wasn't just being delusional or dreaming or making it up
why her?
Why did God choose to show her hell and noone else?
Why do none of the stories add together and make sense?
Hell is so subjective I think
different for you and different for me
and if you try to go there
you're only going to get your own skewed version of the place
it's not what everyone else will see.
And then it's natural to want to believe the Jews
to believe in purgatory
a natural waiting place to atone for your sins
I wonder what punishment believing in a messiah like Jesus would have for a gentile
if he isn't what he claimed to be?
And then I wonder
is it possible to see God
to feel him
when you're just a human being
a tiny unimportant dot on this earth?
We're under God's big fish eye
looking in our lives and our hearts
and judging us.
Everyday deciding if we're worth saving.
It's scarier to believe in Jesus sometimes than it is just to believe in nothing.
But I think you have a better chance if you believe than if you didn't.
I think it's worth something to risk yourself by believing in Jesus and telling other people.
You don't want to look foolish and that's a huge problem.
You don't want to look like you're weak or lame because God has a big part in your life.
It's almost a curse to believe in anything.
But I still think it's worth it.