What do I believe?

when I question myself
when I look real deep
I see a deep unexplainable fear in me
I'm searching for something I can't see
but yet I need

I have this wanderlust
a desire to roam
I'm a stray dog
without a home

and when I think
of what I've done
made a fake masterpiece
with hope and a gun

I'll bring up a memory
deep in my head
regress back to childhood
before I wished I was dead

bring back that little boy
you used to be
before the steel monster
rolled over you and me

Old spirit

you are my other half
you are my serenity
you are my secret
my life
my everything
you are my sister
you are my friend
my love
my breath
you are my Saviour
you are my faith
my silence
my single escape

believe in me
I crackle like a flame
flint rocks striking
sparks fly by
we'll stay the same
forever bound
guide me again
and again
and again

Blackhaired Girl

You flash in and out
like a memory
distant and broken
yet calling to me
I hear you whisper
"save my life"
I'm fighting so hard now
I feel I have the right
you question my motives
your trust has been broken
not by me
I haven't spoken

I feel your presence
all around
your energy consumes me
blinds me and compounds
till it reaches the point
that I have no choice
I live in plain sight
visible and plain
velvet blankets
brushed against the grain
I see you so clearly
now in my mind
asking me questions
you take me for a ride

I want to sit in your porche
take those lines off your face
I would never use you
or abuse you
you and I are the same
we're both capsized ships
in the same old port
I'll take you to land
sit with you on the shore

we can take it slow
one day at a time
I communicate through other means
you listen all the time
I use my strength to make you see
magic is real and its inside of me

Fragment

My spirit is a hole
wide empty and black
I need something to fill it
to take up the slack

between you and I
there lies an army
of disenchanted soldiers
hoping for a fight

I pray for silence
and utter understanding
of this puzzle that surrounds me
in my everyday life

I speak in riddles
lurk in shadows
I want an answer
that I'll never find

is he out there somewhere
lost at sea?
I can feel him calling out to me
suddenly
he hiccupped back tears
as he looked at me
I walked away
I couldn't do a thing

I want him in my world
this mysterious boy
covered in blue and grey
aura so clear
I want to help him
clear his head

take that shiny halo and
wear it for awhile
where do you go?
when you don't want to leave?
I can feel your ghost
following me

Weakness

its in my bones
this growth
an insecurity so deep
you could never extract it
I look in the mirror
to see a face I don't recognize
so lost in confusion
I suppose its in my eyes
I search high and low
for what I don't know
waiting for signs
from angels in the skies
that may or may not exist
I walk on this plane
try to keep myself sane
my head in the sky
the clouds taste like cane sugar
on my tongue

It Isn't Just Me

I can sense you
feel you
tingling my spine
the urge to complete the work I've started
late but not lost
I want to deliver you
sit for a minute
and talk for awhile
you doubt me so completely
it kills my soul
oleander petals
white as snow
wait for the chimes
that in the silence provides
a distraction against
the deafening sound of silence
sit still and feel
the vibrations of angels
whispering your name
silently pleading
for you to answer
the ghosts of the past
whisper aloud
remember! remember!
awakened now
a quiet voice
answers their pleas
talk to me
talk through me
make me bleed
I am Crystal
I am peace
love
silence
doves
do I amaze you?
I simplify what can't be explained away.
I am the catch-22
that question unanswered
that dream that reveals
those images that cross your brain
do not be frightened
I am here to take you to the other side
of enlightenment
the light
I can free you
take you higher
eliminate wasted potential
Alien mind
open up your door
and let me in
I will hear your prayer
and cleanse you of sin

Dancing

on the verge of a mental breakdown
I ask myself the question
am I real?
I wish someone would tell me who I am
or what I'm meant for
but that's for me to say I guess.
I want answers
tangible answers
for all of my questions
and noone can tell me why.
I want reason for living
I'm a mouth that needs feeding
truths not evident in the government today
I bite the hand
and spit in your eye
don't tell me I'm wrong
justify all your lies
I want to be
no longer trapped in this body.