Unsure, Unaware

I'm going out on a limb
gripping at empty air
hoping for a chance with
the queen unapproachable
touch of impossible
eyes of quicksilver
questioning glances
making me shiver
the thought of a chance with
a beauty like that
makes my brain twist and quiver
and my heart pitter pat
and I wonder if I have what
a girl would look for
my face isn't perfect
I might be a bore
but the chance still lingers
in front of my eyes
jump and risk falling
stand and fall away

Cutting

circulation in my brain
pops at the strain of thought
invades my sense of logic
breaks my concentration
tears at my self esteem
memories of a past I used to live
break into my state of mind
corrupt my future
sabotage my life
and one by one it all falls down
all these delicate plans I made
falter and fall away
like falling leaves
it becomes a fragment
a tiny piece of me

Wood Grain

science can't explain what I can do
the mind is powerful; doing things that seem impossible
reaching out to others through my thoughts
connecting to a source of energy unlimited by space and time
and I seem to have been chosen for something
I'm advanced
I can send out messages that others can recieve
and they've noticed
they're following, listening, waiting for commands
they're scared and willing
armies of followers
and all I have to do is reach out
send a message
and they listen.

How Many Times

You can scream without talking
your leaden legs stomp in every room
you bang every door
brazenly waltzing in
as if everyone there were waiting for you
I left as soon as I appeared
crawled in and ran out of your life
like a flash of light in your eye
and you expected it as if you thought
if you saw it coming it wouldn't happen so sudden
but it was like a broken leg
numb for awhile then burning and aching
your heart's in ice while I
try to deal with my emotions
you and I standing face to face
pushing and pulling
expanding and contracting
heart beats racing to drum beats
you're more convincing when you're drunk
rolling around in your stupor
then when you argue your position
sweat at your brow
concentration in your eyes
and you always mean to say something else
something more witty
charming
yet it comes out wrong more bitter than you meant it
you're terribly afraid of being embarrassed
and when I ask to leave the party
you laugh
the last thing you want to do is admit defeat
stumbling back to your old position
I had to carry you home

Prison

It's cozy in here
in my cushioned cage
no light no windows
just darkness inside
I scratch the walls
thick with confusion
my head spins and contorts
twisting and spiraling
deeper into the hole

I lay there in defeat
in the thickening dark
I'd pray to something
if I knew it would work
but the silence becomes me
as I become numb
something lifeless is what I've become

my cage is my home
I stir around
painful aches
and the pills
that calm the confusion
dull my brain down to nothing
thoughtless, emotionless;
a zombie

what was once bright and beautiful
is now dull and dark
lifeless and raw
it cuts to the bone
and rips at the seams

a life is now wasted
colorless and ugly
deformed and disgusting
there's still meat on the bone
but it sags in defeat

Hazard

on my chest lays a thousand bricks
all of various shapes and sizes
fitting together one by one
the weight almost a ton

I'm broken apart like a puzzle undone
strewn about all across the floor
you step on the parts and scatter them more
I wish I could be complete and more
than what I am to you

simple elation divine inspiration
emotion tactile and rough
I feel it rub against my flesh
my body yearns so deep for it

and on a bed of nails I wait
for the hands of time to deliver my fate
will I fail again? will it be too late?
I wonder if I can even fix my mistakes

and of course we fail as we always do
the machine breaks because of one missing screw

Unsure

All I remember
the memories are jagged and torn
like photographs
and if you asked me
if I knew her
I'd say no.
she's getting married
high hopes and presentation
I laugh because I know
somewhere deep inside her soul
lingers a tiny bit of doubt
squirming like a worm inside her belly
and he clutches her like a rag doll.
He owns her
he'll impregnate her
and they'll live dull lives
and when she thinks of me one night
while he fucks her
I hope she wishes it was me