Jesus

Shall we push you in?
Needle in the arm
take her blood
leave her in a room
concrete floors
have her sign papers
have her take a shower
breathing hard
I just want to die
watching porn
waiting for the moment
screaming to get out
suffocating
passing out
overdose!
lay her on the bed
give her an x-ray
make her speak
don't give her water
she doesn't know english
speak to her in spanish
call her jesus
go to a movie
sit in the theatre
have people follow
lay on your bed
stare at the ceiling
wait for an answer
cold hands
gripping
pulling
screaming!
all I remember is
I was in a movie
and they sensed me.

Anxiety

Creeps in like ants on a hill
tingles my spine
turns my gut
I twist
this way and that
indecisive
I get this feeling that when its all over
its only just begun
it makes me sick
does he do this to me on purpose?
cast me aside like a tidal wave
crashing onto the rocks
splashing sea foam
I remember her
and it makes me want to vomit
nervous
willing
but so confused
this love is compacted
easily subtracted
I'm the numbers that fill up the gap
I'm the science that can't be explained away
and all I really am
is love
simply put
I AM LOVE
not in love
not for love
love
individual
silent
a messenger
that speaks the language forgotten by time
silently waiting for the moment
when it all comes crashing down
one airplane at a time

loving her

is like loving a rock
inside its core
its soft
and I feel two sides that pull
like magnets
I'm out of control
spinning down
undeniable
I feel the tug of her hands
the invisible one
that perhaps I missed
the smoothness of her fingertips
on my spine
as I laid out
in paradise

Who am I?

What am I here for?
Questions unanswered
fill in the gaps
broken promises
lies that I told
my good intentions
my heart of gold
its my life
and I live it bold
streaks of color
I know everything about you
all that I need to know

Streaks

the sun is a hole we fall into
black and burning eternally
I laid my back on it
just to feel the sizzle
eternally grateful for the burns on my skin
scars are the only thing left to remind me

as I laid in that hospital bed
needle in arm
heart screaming in my chest
I felt the presence
something there
lingering beneath the surface
I felt my own spirit
torn and anguished
oh how I've forsaken myself
cut my own ties

I live in a tv set
wearing yellow over ironed polyester
sing to me little boy
tell me about the way it was
I want to remember
I want to remember you
it stings like a tension headache
my heart goes one way
my brain goes another
and what does that leave me with?
indecision
and that's just what I've always been
undecided.
I'm not gonna vote.

Like Mint

its just me on this planet
wafting through a sea of empty souls
riding the tidal wave
hitting a wall
and summer can't come soon enough for me
I've stretched out the expanse of my imagination
hoped for the best for this nation
cut my losses and prayed I wasn't too late
stood in front of the magistrate
everything dies
flowers crumple and old women cry
but where do we go?
the lost souls
like pebbles thrown
wafting back and forth
swaying back and forth
do you know who you are?
sorry but you're wrong
you're someone else
just another tv show
players in a game
lets go

How to almost die

overdose on ADD meds
freak out at work
get fired
ride in an ambulance
lay in a comatose state
watch weird tv
get stripped and forced to do brain scans and chest x-rays
wait to die

that would be my thanksgiving 2007