anger

feeling it bubbling
I think it's angry
tell me I'm stupid
tell me I'm randy
tell me I'm orange
tell me I'm blue
black in a trench coat
here's lookin at you

will I ever find them?
I doubt it.
I don't deserve it.
Will I ever be like them?
I doubt it.
I'll never be near them.

Go to sleep, bitch.
Sleep.

The world that smiles

My eyes are dead
but my mouth still speaks
my mouth is living
my death is beginning
and here I am
Lynette
Lynette
Lynette
and when I smiled
and lived my life

HEYO

I drove around today
I had nothing to say
the radio the radio the radio said it for me
and I spoke and I screamed
and you knew
and I knew too
and I quietly waited
and I knew I was belated
but I was here
and I was there
and I was showing up perfectly on time.
Thanks giving
moving moving'
breathing breathing
speaking speaking
I knew what I wanted
I knew how I wanted
and I was young and stupid
and foolish and like cupid
pushing together all of the stupid
and here I was all along
one of the better ones, one of the strong.

You live in fear my dear,
you live in fear.
And all the days you make you say
you live in fear my dear.
27 27 27 27
walking walking walking slevin
whatever
diggin
wiggin
speaking
freaking
I wish I could see
but I know that I need
black frames.
Black frames.
Black frames.

He has come!

He has come! He has come!
The sun has begun!
The shining has won!
The world has rung!
And rung,
and rung,
like a telephone hung,
and you think they're stalking us
and it rained and rained
and we shamed and shamed,
but she won.
She won.
She rode her bike and had fun.
While we all shamed and fell and had run.
We were done.
We were done.
We were done.
1971.

The Interesting Night

Saturday at 2am I wake to the sound of screaming.
The television chatters, my parents scream and whisper.
A horrible ghost shudders and moans and tells me that I am the last one.
The last one.
I baptised a thousand times, and shuddered and sweat. Bled and moaned and loved and lost.
The songs that I hear, the people that I speak to.
It's getting a little tough to bear this right now.
It's always been too hard for me.
Perhaps I lived a little too much,
perhaps I smiled a little too hard.
I lived when people died all around me,
and all I can say is good job, Lynette.
You killed everyone with your laughter.

This is the view from a huge cross in PR.

Blinding
sudden
are you an alien?
Questions,
answers,
are you an alien?
I remember you
I heard a few
they told me you would come
they said that they were done
they said that there were some
they said that they were young
young forever young forever.

Listening to the soundwaves
hearing what they say
they know what they mean
they know what they think
but the world isn't round
it's a triangle and it goes around and around
and I paint the sun and I paint the ground
round and round and round and round.

Irritation

I get irritated a lot. I feel like I'm constantly being judged based on appearances, people look at me an think "Oh that girl, she's useless. She has no faith. She's got to be some kind of heathen, some kind of wiccan or witch or something." If I were a witch, it's only because I were born that way. I'm Roman Catholic, and I've stayed that way all my life. Perhaps I strayed from church, but not forever. Today I'm going to go to church. I think it's important to repent for all of my sins.

While I Wait

God has a plan for me
waiting in a wind breeze somewhere
another day passes and I feel the significance
"Sleep." He tells me.
Sleep. So hard for me to close my eyes,
so hard for me to fall asleep at night.
But I force myself.
Sleep.

Who am I?

I know my name, but I don't know my purpose. Selected for something, used and abused since I was a child. Like having a mother who's the devil and a father who is a saint. It angers me, more than anyone will ever know. I had to rebuild this earth from the ground up and not a single person gave me credit. Not a single person.

Remembering Things That Maybe Didn't Happen.

It's strange sometimes, the ideas that get into your head. You think you're somewhere safe when you aren't, you think you're alive when you're dead, and people are in denial so much that there's not much you can do but think and be afraid. I think that's what I was put on this earth for-- rejection. I don't even try to get to that but it happens anyway. I'm nice to everyone I meet, and because of that I suffer. I like to think my suffering isn't any worse than the assholes of the earth though. I'd like to think that.

Starbucks.